An Open Letter to Santa: The Rules of Christmas
AN OPEN LETTER TO SANTA
Merry Christmas! I hope this letter finds you well and that you have had a spectacular year. I’m sure you have been diligently getting ready for your busy season. The amount of homes you visit every year to bring joy to children is nothing short of amazing! With that being said, I just want to lay out a few ground rules for your visit this year, so that we are all still merry when Christmas is over.
Rule #1 – Please use the front door. You see, we have been lighting many fires this year and we will probably curl up next to the fire on Christmas Eve. I would hate for you to land on our hearth in flames. Also, the soot that it carries down with you would be avoided if you used the front door.
Rule #2 – Since you are traveling all over the world in a single night in the same pair of boots, let’s just get rid of the boots as soon as you come in the house. I would hate to have to vacuum up Jamaican beach sand or East Texas red dirt on Christmas morning.
Rule #3 – Look out for the pets. They don’t bite (that hard), but they do tend to get angry if they are stepped on. Also, please don’t get the dog all wound up so he wakes up all the neighborhood kids with his incessant barking. I’m sure you have some sort of system (maybe a bag of treats) that you use in instances of homes with pets.
Rule #4 – I am going to need you to sign a Liability and Indemnification waiver, in the event you trip and fall or something. I’m so sorry, but we have not renewed our “Santa coverage,” so we can’t be held liable for any injuries on the property. I hope you understand.
Rule #5 – Absolutely no reindeer on the lawn. While I do realize that most of the grass appears brown and crispy, we want to keep a healthy root system so that we will have a nice lawn in the spring. So, please make sure the reindeer do not prance all over the yard. Sleigh parking in the driveway is agreeable. If you desire to park on the roof, we will need to discuss proper permitting in advance.
Rule #6 – Make an appointment for your visit. Not that we don’t want you to come, because, believe me, we do—but if we could get a timeframe for your visit, that would be great. Please don’t give us the “sometime between 9pm and 5am” routine, either. We would prefer an hour window of when you’ll be coming.
Rule #7 – Please disregard all the previous rules. There are far too many Scrooges in this world and this time of year is a great time to unleash your inner child and remember the true reason for the season. I am taking a tip from you to spread some extra Christmas cheer this year! So, feel free to fly down the chimney as fast as you can, leave boot prints everywhere, eat as many (or as few) cookies as you please, sign no waiver, park the sleigh wherever and come whenever you want. We’ll leave the twinkling lights on.